It has been hard adjusting to MidEGGO and the stages of him leaving.

First the he is going to think about moving and that transitioned into he is going to move in 4 months and finally to the he moved phase. And now it is hard. It is hard because I rarely hear from him. I rarely get to have any contact with him. Right now it has been 2 weeks since I talked with him. I have emailed him 2 time a week. I have texted almost every other day and called 2 x's a week and he does't respond.
The last time I talked with him he told me he hadn't been getting any emails or texts or messages I have left for him. This means his father has been deleting them or his step mother...either one.

I am sad at how much I held back all these years with him because of the loss of him so often (with his going to his father's house). I am not cut out for being a part time mother. I am so grateful with my other boys I don't miss out on much with them and know they are going to be here when they should. I can plan anything I want around them and their schedules because we aren't going to miss anything. With MidE, I did all the school time with him and then his father got the weekends. Always making his dad "the fun parent" and me the teacher, taskmaster. Then when he was 11 it was so ingrained into our relationship that it was hard to adjust to him being gone a week every month. But this still left me with the weekends he was with me trying to make up for his absence.

Now, I miss him so much. I miss seeing my kid that I carried in my belly. I miss him and it is hard to not have those moments when something silly, funny or amazing is going on that I find myself checking my laugh as if I shouldn't because he isn't here.

I think it would be easier if I knew he was off at college and having fun but from the reports I get from the grapevine, he has little socialization and he spends his time either at school or at his father's church working for his father. No time out making friends.

The little man has so many tooth problems. First being he has an extra tooth. This tooth pushedalhis teeth out of line when he was smaller. This has caused the adult teeth to notbe in line with the roots of the babay teeth. So the other two teeth that need pulling are having to be pulled because the adult teeth have come in (parthially) behind his babys. This has crowded his mouth even more. The back part of his mouth looks somewhat shark-like. Teethpulling is on the 22nd of this month. This has slowed down the brackets being put on. The orthodontist commented to me that the straightening will probably take longer because she noticed thatone of the teeth came in sideways and has to be turned for proper eating.

The process of braces on LilE's teeth goes on. He has four back bands One one each back tooth top and bottom. He has the 7 in front. We are just waiting on his tooth extraction. He has to have 3 teeth pulled. That won't happen till 22 Oct. Then LilE will get the rest of the braces put on his teeth 5 Nov.

There is a lot of hurry up and wait. But this way is good because he only has a little bit of pain here and there instead of all his teeth hurting at once making it too hard for him to eat. And as he doesn't like to eat) it makes it easier to get him to eat what he needs to keep his weight up.

It has been a while since I posted publicly. It has been a hard week for me (or so). Kids got colds. Sniffling and coughing and such.. So I have been awake at night listening to this around the house. On top of that , BigE had a job possibility, then it turned into an interview, and he got the job.

I have also been taking the time to do some sewing. I am sewing a costume for WahE. So far it is turning out better than I had expected. I made the patterns out of news paper. Then cutting the fabric and pinning to fit, sewing and lining with fleece. It has been fun. Once the whole thing is done I will take photos and post them along with the picture of the character he is dressing like.
Once I am done with WahE's costume it will be on to LilE's.

On a different note, I have been really grumpy lately. I am not sure what it is. The change in lighting, fall, or just something else but THE GRUMP mode has set in. Try as I might I just can't shake the grumpies. I have been continuing to focus on the good, and silly and wonderful, but am having a hard time seeing a lot of it. It is few and far between.

In other news, As much as I dislike the new format. I miss all my friends I have made here and am glad to see the few of you that post. So I will continue on till you all leave and then.....I guess I will still come here so I can purge the thoughts in my head.

Now, my banana Bread is just done so I can turn off the oven and go lay my head down.

Good night, Evening, Afternoon, Morning....whatever fits your time slot.

I am not sure what is going to happen with LilE's teeth. I dont know if they are going to put the brackets on or if they are just doing the preliminary stuff. Mould og his teeth, x-rays ect. We will see.

Remember when we started the week and all my high hopes? Well, they weren't dashed to the ground but I stumbled a few times. The good thing, grace. I remembered grace is something that is extended not because someone earns it but something you give freely because you want it extended to you.

So grace has abounded in my house a bit more than usual. Kids have needed it from me.

In other news, LilE is going to start the process of getting braces on Tuesday. We go in, x-ray, then find out if his extra tooth is getting pulled or if his adult tooth is getting pulled and then the brackets put on.

This last weekend was mostly good for me.
I had time to just hang out and be with a group of like-minded women. I was able to let things that normally would bother me to just fall away as if nothing had happened and I was able to just enjoy myself. Then on sunday, I was able to talk with a bunch of people that I know. I saw probably every person I know in SD. It was good.

Now I am on to a good week. I expect great things from my boys. And I am resolved if anything goes amiss that I will handle it with the grace that I have been able to have restored....all because of a great weekend.

It is always good to be able to say that. Today was a good day. I was gifted a ticket to a womans confrence that I have been wanting to go to. I had a good conversation with my kids, my boys did their school work, AND the weather was cooler so I could function.

I'm not new but these words written by me are new in this box.

Are you suddenly hit hard with miserable heat. The kind of heat that makes you feel sick to your stomache? Here the heat has finally hit. It has been such a beautiful summer and now....misery. ugh

BigE and WahE are suffering as much as I am. Today and yesterday the temps have been over 95 f with humidity over 65 %. This wouldn't be too bad if there was a whisper of wind but sadly that is not around. It feels like it is over 100. I checked the indoor temp 94. It makes it hard for each of us.

It is supposed to last for a few days....wish me luck.