I have had the last three days with my parents. It was nice to see them but it is sad to watch how much they are deteriorating. My father can barely get around, he takes so much longer than before. I am sad to realize that it is getting sooner that he will die than later. I guess that I need to truely come to terms with this. 

But with that it just means that when they are here I spend so  much less time with them than we plan. I don't have room for them to stay here so they hotel it. By the time my parents get up, dressed, fed, and ready to come over they are tired so they take a nap and then come over to eat lunch. With all the moving and walking to get to our door and to the bathrooms from our front room my father is wanting to leave early so he can get ready to get to bed. They get here at noon or 1 in the afternoon and leave at about 6 or earlier to be able to get ready for bed and into bed by 9 or 10.

The time was good. Sunday we celebrated MidE's birthday early so he could have time to enjoy his gifts with this side of the family before he has to leave (he leaves 2 days after his brithday) to go to his father's. We celebrated by going to round table pizza and playing Yatzee! with my brother T and his wife  J, my parents and family.

I am glad they came.

Now that I not around them I have time to get around to write and read.

Kids and fun....they sure make it difficult to have fun but we somehow do

• watched a few movies with the boys: with MidE, Moonlight Kingdom. With LilE, Overboard. WahE the Gods Must be Crazy.
• flew kites with BigE, LilE, and WahE.
• watched Doctor Who

Not a lot to say

was going to post bullets but not enough that I can share.

Struggling to stay or actually find the positive in my day to day....keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

I am taking a mental health day.

I am not worrying about if the kids do their school work. They know what will happen if they don't do the work and if they don't they need to pay the consequences.

I am not doing any housework.

I am not driving anyone anywhere at the end of the day

I am going to read the book I have wanted to read for a while.

I am going to take a walk where I want to go.

I am going to hug my kids and tell them how much I love them.

What are you going to do with you new week?

• Today is Friday and my kids are amazing in spite of the fact that they are somewhat misbehaving. 
• BigE has been working, his job was supposed to be 20 to 30 hours a week and has been 42 to 48 hours a week.
• was thinking about how people just don't know how to manage their money at 45 and some know how to at 21.
• woke up this morning when my 16 yo MidE climbed onto my bed and snuggled me for a few minutes.
• I don't think he wants to leave but at the same time he doens't like E so he would rather move with his father.
• I like the made for tv movie The 10th Kingdom.
• I just had the most vile ceviche ever. I don't like it to begin with but this was like eating a pile of mushy metal with lemon juice and cilantro on it. ugh.
• Mother's day is coming up and I already have all my gifts. Wish I hadn't opened them  so soon but I really wanted to watch Doctor Who. 
• I miss being inspired to write, I was writing something and then X read what I was writing and told me it was sh!* and that blew my mood to write. And I quit cooking as well. I am one of those silly persons that burn food when I am upset so....kids have been doing most of the cooking with my direction.
• WahE can now cook Ramen(on the stove), Mac and Cheese (boxed on the stove), Pot Stickers, grilled cheese sandwiches, quesadillas,  tuna melts, chicken salad sandwiches w/ cranberries and apples, swedish meatballs with gravy and baked potatoes, mexican corn on the cob, salads (both fruit and veggie), and a few other things I can't think of. Remember he is 9.
• Kids in  the area are jerks. They keep telling my kids they are stupid because my kids don't like first person shooter games that spend more time making sure the blood spatters realistically and the story/plot is pointless.
• I really hate the idea of putting my kids into public school but if BigE keeps working and I finally get a job I will have to.
• I don't want a job but I must to be able to get myself a car and move.
• MidE leaves to Tx. on Aug. 1st. I miss him already. I wish he wasn't going. He won't be back till Dec. And only for one week at that time. Then we won't see him till Summer.
• This weekend I am going to watch Back to the future or something like that with my boys, we did Star Wars marathon for May the 4th.
•  

Today I have been missing loads of things.

1. spontaneous dancing.
2. holding hands
3. swinging
4. feeling loved
5. playing in the sprinklers
6. kids running through my yard
7. freedom to do what I want in my yard
8. hanging laundry on a line an actual line
9. washing machines that don't leak
10. freedom to drive my own car
11. go where I want

but most of all I miss having someone that isn't a relative, son or neighbor to just hang out with and talk about all that random things that go on.

Today has been one of those days that nothing went wrong. It was a good day. But good and bad, I don't have anyone near to share with.

So I miss.....

The best place I ever lived.

New Port Beach.

I was 18, had a job making barely any money, newly out of a toxic relationship and ready to have fun. I lived in a house with 6 other people. Most of 2 were couples and the other two were single men. I lived in a room with T. The best roommate ever. We were the best of friends. He was such a sweetie and to make matters better he didn't mind that I wanted to date as he was wanting to date as well.

When I moved in he was in the military so I was around a lot of his friends.

The reason it was the best place ever. No one was jealous or petty or false or lied or well any of those things that ruin housemates and relationships.

Early on I found out we had a no locking the bathroom door policy. We had 2 bathrooms and we were 7 people. I found myself showering with  someone coming in to shave or use the toilet or sometimes they would come in and sit and I would end up talking with 2 or 3 of them while showering. And I loved it. There were 3 of us women and 4 men. And there was no problems. 

When using the restroom the door would open and someone would come in and talk while waiting their turn. It was odd and yet just the way life was. I was a pro at this because I had never sought privacy and the only time it was a tad awkward was when "finishing up" on the toilet. When that time came the person(s) not on the toilet just looked slightly to the side.

Even better things were, cooking and cleaning was done as a family. Food was not just theirs or  his or hers but there was a rule if you knew that there was little left (eg. a bowl of cereal left in the box) you had to get another box. Same with milk and other things like that.

We had unset rules about parties and going out. The only time we had parties was on Friday and Saturday night, and then the rules for Sunday. Sunday everyone that didn't belong to the house, even significant others, had to leave after helping clean because that was family time.

Family time was, we as a family would cook a main meal for about 1 or 2 pm. After eating we would all clean up and then sit around the living room and talk about the week, what we were hoping to do in the coming week and if we had any problems with something this was the time to bring them up. R had a problem that there was so much drinking in the house as he was a non drinker. But then he also spent the least amount of time at home and he was only around when his girlfriend's parents were at their house which was about once ever 3 weeks. This was the only issue that was never resolved. He was try to have us not drink with him and not drink when he was gone as well.

But things like, C had a problem with everyone eating all the cereal before she got to it in the am was resolved by me going to the store and getting more before she got up to eat. T had a problem with the others borrowing his uniform and then when time to go back to work it was dirty (he was military so no uniform was not an option). 

The last thing on the agenda of family meeting was what to eat the next week on family day, those that planned the food cooked it (I did that most often) then there were the 2 that would go and buy the food, and then those that didn't cook or buy would do the cleanup. I usually cooked and cleaned up and each person helped out to some extent with all of that.

When the meeting was over we would have family movie, J worked in "THE INDUSTRY" so we got a lot of movies to watch that hadn't been released to the theatre yet. We would do a bunch of popped corn and junk and just hang out with just us.

I still think of those days and how each person was relaxed and just was friends and family and loved each other and cared for each other. I have had a little bit of contact with the family after we all went our separate ways and I am told from the one that still has contact with everyone....that was the best years of our lives. Each person wishes that we hadn't moved, or at least so soon. We all look back and wonder why we lost contact. I have tried to contact a few of the people but the guys are married and well I don't know if their wives have a problem with them talking to the girls they weren't with or what but I haven't heard back.

It was the best time and the time that really made me see how to behave with others to get along. I still use loads of the stuff I learned then as ways of living.

Hanging out with the little lads while waiting for MidE to do his state required testing

From afar I watched Jim the few times he was with Carol. It actually made me realize what is possible.

Jim was so loving and kind. When she was around that is where his attention was focused. And she she watched him with others, men and women alike. One could tell that they were eachother's world. The sun rose and set on the other in this relationship.

As time wore on I came to find out she had survived cancer, a rare form of cancer and by the time I watched them, it was back. She was in the 1  % of people that survived past the 5 year mark.

I watched as her life faded and he became  more and more focused on her. They hoped for a miracle, they prayed for a miracle but I could see it in her eyes, she wanted to depart and not be in so much pain. As much as her husband was her world she didn't want the pain. 

She started to mend and get healthier but then the day before, she fell and that was the end. She passed within a few hours of the fall.

Jim didn't question because he knew she was in pain. He knew her time was going to be short, and he loved her and cared for her and held her and told her he loved her ever second of every day they had together.

I almost envied her, not the sickness but the love that was poured out to her on a daily basis.

I watched as they gave so much love and care to  each other and I had in the back of my mind, I would do anything to make sure that neither one of them lost the other. I would give my life if it meant that they could be together and with her healthy for another 20 years or even less.

When she passed I was a bit shocked by it............

I had never met her but her passing impacted my life. Her passing left me richer than if I had never met her. Her passing reminded me of what my grandfather said to me at his 60th wedding anniversary.

I have never seen someone so in love as my grandfather and grandmother till now.

Jim and Carol rank second.

I have a new shirtI got it from Redditgifts.com it is a picture of Gandalf. I was wearing it yesterday at the store and two little kids were admiring it. One of the kids screamed,"Mom look at her shirt!"
Everyone in line sll looked over at my shirt...all except the mom. She looked away beet red.

Sign on my drive...
What I thought it said...Exotic Slob Stoned
What it really said...Exotic Slab Stone○

How to patch knees on holey pants of 11 year old boy.