November 26, 2013
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An odd day feeling thingy going on.
A few days ago I started a conversation with someone I knew from the time I was 10 and lost contact with him when I moved out of my house at 17 ish.
In the beginning of the conversation it was just touching base, "What have you been doing? I've been a parent, working, raising kids", that sort of thing. I was getting into the wanting to walk down memory lane and find out what he thought of us and our antics when we were kids/teens/pre-adults sort of thing.
He comments that he had a crush on me.
I was floored. I would never have guessed it.
I replied with something like wow I just thought you knew me as the annoying kid that delivered your dad's news paper and later on the comic relief. I was always just being silly and light sort of person. I liked to be witty, most of it was just in my own mind.
He responded with, no you were hot most guys wanted to get with you.
This kind of floored me that he thought I was hot. And as a teen I knew that there were a few guys that were just wanting me as if I was a conquest. (I am trying to word this nicely) But from him I never even thought this of him.
I was most of the day racking my brain thinking of if I was just naïve or if I just remembered things different. I thought of a few "remember when" sort of things that I thought we could laugh at but nothing that came to mind were signs that he had a crush. But before I could write and ask him how he showed his interest because I couldn't see it he wrote me something that well put me an a not so good of mood.
Old friend, "SURE, You knew you were a hot tease. You knew I had wood for you. You can act all innocent and all but you were so much farther from that."
This has me floored. I have always prided (and maybe this is where I went wrong) on making sure that I kept my actions from being different from others that I saw who were definite teases, girls that truly flaunted what they were given and could be really cruel. I am still floored. Looking back at who I was I know I was as a teen good looking but more than that not really. I wore jeans and t-shirts and things that were hand-me-downs from my brothers. So I didn't dress poorly. I can't think of why he would say something like that.
What is also bothering me is....
In my growing up because of all the moving from one state to another to a different country to a different state and never being in one place to make life long friends I was kind of hoping that this guy, who knew me probably the longest of anyone of those that I am not related to, I was hoping to get his perspective on out teen years, and it has made me sad. Those I new before I was 5 and remember we have talked and laughed about it but we are so far different from one another. Those that I knew from k-4th (5-9 years old) are just so different from me. Those that I knew in 5th and 6th ( this guy knew me but was 5 years older) never knew me I had no friends at school. In the next year I had no friends at a school as I was homeschooled and then high school. I have a few that I have talked to about it but most of those I knew were just guys and their wives well didn't like me in high school (I had mostly guy friends and was one of the guys so would go out tubing or to parties with them) and so they have carried that over to now.
I guess I would just like someone to talk to about who I was then to get a different perspective on that and maybe it would shed new light on me so I can learn from my past.
Comments (3)
I don't know if this is right in your situation or not, but most of the women I know in our age group (30s - 40s) contacted (by facebook, is that right for you too?) by guys in their past end up finding out that the guy was in the process of divorcing etc. That he was desperate. They all came on pretty strongly, reminiscing at first, then seeming to turn the conversation kinda sexual in a very short amount of time.
What he said was not a reflection of you.
It was a reflection of his skewed perspective of you.
If I was you, from this I would take that he had a crush on you way back when (because that's nice and feels good to know). And drop the rest. Because he seems kinda perverse to me.
Every guy I know personally who spoke to me in that, "you know you're a tease" kind of way were really only daring me to go farther than I was comfortable going. There's no other reason to say it, really.
My instinct says to forget everything be said except, "oh how nice, once upon a time he crushed on me." And don't talk to him again.
He is at least disrespectful.
I am not sure he is so much an ass but he is divorced, has kids that are adults. It was nice to hear he had a crush on me back then. He did think I knew I was hot. Now I can look back and see that I was but then, I grew up with 2 older brothers that called me ug or ugly, so I really didn't know but I also didn't care.
He is fortunately over 200 miles away. So I don't feel threatened. But this reminded me of how I used to be more self assured, unworried about what others thought of me and more worried about what I thought of myself. I always lived by the motto, do no harm. I never wanted to have to look back and think I was a jerk or tramp or tease or someone who toyed with others emotions as mine were so fragile and I knew it then as much as I know it now.
Your words are true. I am walking away from this and taking the good and leaving the bad behind.
I'm not even sure what to say about all that, quite honestly. Sorry that the conversation mad you sad, though. Perhaps it is just one of those male/female things? The perspectives can be quite different.
I hope your Thanksgiving is a good one.
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