It is coming closer and closer to Christmas and I am feeling the pinch. Most years in the past I have purchased things over the course of a year and then I have a few good things on Christmas to give to the kids.

Sadly in the last few years (5 at least) I have not been able to do so. This year I bought a tapestry quality throw from The Hobbit Shop just so that MidE could have something he loved and he would appreciate its authenticity. Sadly the overpriced thing has snags and is pulling out of the weave. I am really unhappy. I did call the shop and they told me I could pay to send it back so they could send me a new one. I commented that the reports have been flooding in that others are having the same problem, they still want me to pay for shipping and handling of 7 and then to send back another 7. This would mean I would pay a total of 21 over the price because I already paid 7 for shipping to get it.

For BigE, I have no idea what to get him.

LilE I already purchased a leather jacket for him.

As for WahE he wants one of most things so I haven't been able to narrow it down yet.

Other than that I have been getting the house ready to celebrate Christmas.

How is your season going?

I am so glad I am planning on staying in for the holiday seasons. Today, it is Turkey Day already, I don't have to do any driving except to get BigE to work and back from work. But other than that, I need nothing more and I am boycotting Black Friday Sales 1000000%.

But that didn't stop what happened today....I almost got in a fight and died from being shot. Ok I exaggerate but I could have.

I was driving to go get a bite to eat at Ikea and get some odds and ends I wanted for preparing a Turkey Day Feast.

As I was in the left lane, and had been for over a mile, nearing the light where I was going to turn left in a double left turn light, when the guy in the car to the right and his front door was even with my front bumper got mad that I was blocking his Prius from being able to enter the left lane as it was his right, or so he though and even let me know by laying his hand on his horn and not letting up for a good 10 to 20 seconds.

He got behind me, and being that I was in the car with WahEGGO,  I decided to take the longest line  so I could make sure that he got where he wanted to go faster. But that wasn't good enough for him, as he drove by me he was flipping me off and screaming at me. Only he didn't take the lane and let it go, he stopped just to the left of me 2 car lengths back. As we started to drive and turn he turned directly in front of me and then stopped in the middle of the turn lane with me out where I would get hit if a car came through the soon to be green light.

I checked the left lane he had vacated and found that no other car was there so I swerved around his Prius. As I passed him his hand was waggling out the window showing of his finger and I could tell he was still yelling at me.

This wasn't good enough for him. HE got right behind me, turned on his high beams, and followed me closer than needed.

At this point I was boiling mad. I was going to stop, get out, walk over to his car and as he got out or opened his window I was wanting to jump and start pummeling him. At which point I am sure he would pull out his gun and shoot me dead (see I cold have died from being shot. )

As I realized that this would get me dead and I had WahEGGO in the car with me, I decided it was not in HIS best interest to see his mother shot to death so I took measures to loose this Prius man. So as I rolled through a couple of shopping center stop signs, and gunned it rudely past pedestrians so the Prius would get caught with people around I eluded this impending confrontation. I weaved around the parking lot and lost him. He drove off after another silver SUV that was leaving.

WahE was frightened so we stayed in the car, watched this Prius drive off and then got out and hurried into the store.

We ate a bite and played around looking at everything and finally got what we went in for and left.

All I could think was....

And so Holiday Combat Shopping begins.

Happy Thanksgiving.

I am thankful for all of you and to just be alive.

I wrote here last night/yesterday for my own self to see if I can get a different perspective on what transpired in my conversation and I realize that it was a lot of little things that went into why I was so bothered by it all.

You see, as I was growing up I didn't have a set of friends for life, I moved too often. By the time I was 5 I had lived in 6 different houses, only 3 of them were near each so I would know any one person. I did remember one kids, a guy. My mother watched him after kindergarten. And that was for a year when I was four to five. Then we moved to a different country and I went to a different school than the kids that lived in my neighborhood. So I didn't really make friends for a year. I played with no one at school as they were all from the same area and their parents worked for the embassy. And the kids in my area well it was hard to be friends with them so I would play with them, sort of an extra for games that were uneven but they all went to school together and played after school together.

When I was 10 I moved to where my parents live now. There I didn't have anyone that would talk to me during school hours and after the kids in the area would only talk with me if none of the other kids from school weren't around. This was for the first 3 years at that house. After the first year I got a news paper route and did that so I knew this older guy, PW, because of collecting for the money. I would go into his house while his dad chatted and looked for the change to pay me. So this guy watched me grow from 10 up. He was 15 the first time I met him.

The best thing that happened to me was to go to a high school out of the area I lived in so I didn't have all those people that knew me through those first 3 years to try to be friends with. During this time I made a few good friends. Some of them moved away and others were friends with PW so we were in the similar crowd of people.

I realize my reaction was because I was hoping to have conversations of "remember when x, y or z happened" or other such conversations. But sadly he said some things that hurt my feelings.

It was a little of both him being male and  not knowing how to be a bit more tactful and believing that I truly knew he was flirting with me. And it is a little of him being an ass. He always was an ass. Not a full blown hole  but just the donkey sort of one.

Today, after thinking about it for a while and mulling it over before it really bothered me too much, I confronted him and asked point blank as I am apt to doing, what he meant by it all.

He didn't have any intentions of hurting my feelings but he was sure that I knew I was good looking waaaaaayyyyyy back then.

The other reason it bothered me is, I was a stupid teen. And some times my actions were different that I thought they were. I was as a teen not aware of the damage I left in my wake. While I always tried to conduct myself so as not to be thought of as a flirt or tease I have since heard that some people thought I was.

Back then I was always cracking jokes but never at someone else's expense. I would tease but never something I thought the person would be bothered by. I was (and I have found out that a few people saw me in the same way) comic relief. That is how I cope with crowds and more people than those I am close to. As I have not really ever been close to anyone, outside my family, that is most people.

So it is resolved. And I am now able to take what the person that I knew to be an ass is still one I know how to take his comments and maybe be able to get a few remember whens talked about.

And thanks to him I have a scar from him but that is another story.

Thanks to you both for giving me a good outside opinion this is why I still blog here in Xanga.

A few days ago I started a conversation with someone I knew from the time I was 10 and lost contact with him when I moved out of my house at 17 ish.

In the beginning of the conversation it was just touching base, "What have you been doing? I've been a parent, working, raising kids", that sort of thing. I was getting into the wanting to walk down memory lane and find out what he thought of us and our antics when we were kids/teens/pre-adults sort of thing.

He comments that he had a crush on me.

I was floored. I would never have guessed it.

I replied with something like wow I just thought you knew me as the annoying kid that delivered your dad's news paper and later on the comic relief. I was always just being silly and light sort of person. I liked to be witty, most of it was just in my own mind.

He responded with, no you were hot most guys wanted to get with you.

This kind of floored me that he thought I was hot. And as a teen I knew that there were a few guys that were just wanting me as if I was a conquest. (I am trying to word this nicely) But from him I never even thought this of him.

I was most of the day racking my brain thinking of if I was just naïve  or if I just remembered things different. I thought of a few "remember when" sort of things that I thought we could laugh at but nothing that came to mind were signs that he had a crush. But before I could write and ask him how he showed his interest because I couldn't see it he wrote me something that well put me an a not so good of mood.

Old friend, "SURE, You knew you were a hot tease. You knew I had wood for you. You can act all innocent and all but you were so much farther from that."

This has me floored. I have always prided (and maybe this is where I went wrong) on making sure that I kept my actions from being different from others that I saw who were definite teases, girls that truly flaunted what they were given and could be really cruel. I am still floored. Looking back at who I was I know I was as a teen good looking but more than that not really. I wore jeans and t-shirts and things that were hand-me-downs from my brothers. So I didn't dress poorly. I can't think of why he would say something like that.

What is also bothering me is....

In my growing up because of all the moving from one state to another to a different country to a different state and never being in one place to make life long friends I was kind of hoping that this guy, who knew me probably the longest of anyone of those that I am not related to, I was hoping to get his perspective on out teen years, and it has made me sad. Those I new before I was 5 and remember we have talked and laughed about it but we are so far different from one another. Those that I knew from k-4th (5-9 years old) are just so different from me. Those that I knew in 5th and 6th ( this guy knew me but was 5 years older) never knew me I had no friends at school. In the next year I had no friends at a school as I was homeschooled and then high school. I have a few that I have talked to about it but most of those I knew were just guys and their wives well didn't like me in high school (I had mostly guy friends and was one of the guys so would go out tubing or to parties with them) and so they have carried that over to now.

I guess I would just like someone to talk to about who I was then to get a different perspective on that and maybe it would shed new light on me so I can learn from my past.

So much has happened and so little at the same time.

• MidE has only called about once every 2 weeks and I still have as of yet to get a call through to him.
• BigE likes his job. He has been working on the cash register most of the time and he gets paid 1.50 more an hour for that. He has been put on in record time. I am told by someone he works with that they have been waiting to be put on for almost 6 months and he still isn't on  the register. The guy is a bit jealous of BigE for this.
• LilE has has a few episodes where he just took off and was gone for a few hours because he was upset. Little did he know I followed him and knew exactly where he was all the time. He got quite a ways away. The main problem with this is...he is talking to people he shouldn't. The one thing that has him too scared to go farther is, there is a homeless guy that has started hanging around our area and screams at him when he sees LilE.
• WahE is still doing ok. He is trying to do what LilE does but I don't let him. He is mad he doesn't have the same privileges that LilE does. I keep telling him he will earn it if he wants by doing x, y, and z. The same thing that LilE had to learn to do to get his freedoms.
• As for me...I have had a few disappointments and a few things that have been good.
  Disappointment was...there was a 4 bedroom 3 1/2 bath a mile from all the stores I frequent that was on foreclosure auction. I wanted someone to bid on it for the starting price and maybe a bit more. It ended up selling for 73,000 (it originally sold for 398,000). Property tax was 2,750 a year which would be no problem. When I looked at it it had everything and was move-in-able. The last people even left front-load washers and dryers, fridge (double doors on top and pull freezer on bottom) new oven (year old), and highest quality dishwasher. I was so sad that no one I knew would bid on it so I could move my kids to a better area. The best part of this one was.... a few people I know live within 3 miles of the house. One lives 2 blocks away. The schools in the area are good and close for the kids to go to and I could get a job at one of the stores that is near and walk to work.
  The Good things have been. 1. My kids have been so much fun and supportive of one  another when they aren't thinking about trying to not like each other. 2. Today it rained and was so nice to hear it pelting down and sit and watch it rain. 3. I think I am a bit closer to being able to get the boys room and my area cleaned up and fixed the way I want them to be fixed.4. I have xanga

Each year around my birthday I always look back and try and remember the good, learn from the mistakes and just grow as a person. This year that has been hard. I have spent the year tired and fed up with a lot of things. I have been more concerned with what I want to be when I grow up and I just want to be a better person.

Things I have learned over they years...don't stress about the crap but enjoy the good and remember it. Listen to someone you respect that is older than you they usually either have been through some of the things you have or similar things. Hug and love on your kids they grow way too fast and if they focus on the negative in spite of them professing hatred to you they will come to you still because they know you love them NO MATTER WHAT. Never give up hope on the ones that you feel that you can't reach because some of your words will sink in and when they act on those words you will be blessed. Stop being so hard on yourself for mistakes, if you have asked for forgiveness from those that you have hurt, stop beating yourself up for being human. Love often, forgive even when you don't want to and treasure the small bits of amazing, the bigger bits of good and the loads of love that surround you.

Now on to some good news....

We are alive and I am almost done with my Christmas shopping. This year I won't be over doing it like I did last year. This year is going to be simple. I hope we get the passports for the kids.

How are you all?

I have been a year older for one day. Not sure if I like this aging thing but it is better than the alternative.

Today, or I should say yesterday as it is after midnight, was WahEGGO's 10th birthday. My parents came down to celebrate and we had a good day. All the way up till the time that my parents left. And even a bit after. He went to his favorite pizza place for food and games. He received a bunch of games and toys he wanted and then played with some friends. He came home and then the had a blow out with LilE.

We got LilE calmed down and fed. When all that was over we decided to have a movie night. So we pilled stuff in the living room all comfy and pillowy. We started to go out to the garage to get the sleeping bags when the worst thing ever happened.

The people in the area that we have been having problems with started pelting our house with lightbulbs. They were exploding in our back yard.

Only thing was, it took us a while to find where the shattering glass was. While BigE was looking around for that LilE was almost to the garage.

We opened the back door and the people threw another one and it hit close to the door. I ran out to make sure that LilE was safe and found the people starting to come at LilE (he at this point had no idea what was going on) but as soon as they saw me and BigE was right behind they scattered to the wind.

I know who 2 of the 6 kids were but I can't prove it. We are still not fully cleaned up. We have glass in all our plants including our food plants. So we are going to have to get rid of them most of them were almost fully grown. All my herbs gone covered in shattered glass from the new halogen bulbs.

After that little ordeal the wee little boys were frightened so we curled up in the various "nests" we made and watched a silly good funny movie. When it was over the kids were still having a problem because we found they tried to get into the boys room. Through the window. The hedge in front of their window is broken down and looks terrible. SO they stayed and slept in the living-room with me. BigE went to his room and slept but then he IS a big boy.

I hope these kids will get caught by someone that will scare them enough to get them to stop.

So recap great day.
Now a mother of kids with 2 digits to their ages (Im feeling old)
Kid got a few great things for his birthday.
Slight melt down but came out of it.
Scary glass all over back yard.
Great movie.
Great fun with kids
Great snuggles
Need to have another night with movies and popcorn like tonight.

Now I am off too bed. A it is almost 4 am

Time just seems to fly. Last week had. 3 tooth extractions. 1 cavity found. Me annoyed with an idiot. Needing to write a letter to the powers that be in charge of the afore mentioned idiot.
LilE being silly and a joy.
WahE being a butt.
BigE working.
MidE hasn't called for over 2 weeks.
He moved to go live with his dad for a bit. While there he was supposed to call 2 times a week. He was supposed to be able to respond to emails and texts. HE hasn't been able to do so since he moved. Now it has been over 2 weeks since he has called.

I miss him.

I hear through the grapevine that he isn't allowed to call me by orders of his father. But not too sure.

There are so many little things going on around me. On Monday, I went to a potluck. All the ladies from my inner healing workshop that I went to waaaaayyyy back decided that we all wanted to get together again and touch base with each other. Life had gotten in the way of us keeping closer contact.

It was interesting how we each didn't call for the same reasons and we realized how silly we are for not keeping in closer contact.

Then on Wednesday I went to a dinner for women who had lost a child through abortion, miscarriage, still birth or other cause. It was interesting listening to the speakers talk of how and why they wanted to honor the loss. I felt so surround by love with these other women that understood the feeling.

This week has had a focus of mostly the boys except this bits above.

LilEGGO is still a few days away from his teeth being pulled.
WahEGGO has been accident prone recently and has a huge gash from elbow to the armpit on the back side. This has made it hard for him to sit in backed chairs. It is raw and red and a bit bloody.
BigEGGO starts his job on Saturday. He is really wanting to get to work. He just spent his last few dollars on food about a week ago.

I noticed he wasn't eating so I told him to quite starving himself and eat some of our food. So he has been. But mostly salad and rice and beans. He isn't wanting to eat the meat to save us money.

MidEGGO has not gotten in contact with me for over 2 weeks. I miss him. He hasn't responded to any of my texts or emails either. When I agreed to allow him to move to Lubbock Texas with his father he was to call at least 2 times a week. So far since he left August 2nd. I have heard from him 5 times. You do the math. That isn't 2 times a week. Not only that the money that he was supposed to keep putting into MidEGGO's account (what I was going to use to have him come home) he quit putting into the account.

Here are some good things.

I have a silly, funny LILEGGO. He keeps me on my toes with his wit. I have a very helpful WahEGGO, always around to pick up things dropped. Hold things till I can find a place to set them down and help in any way he sees a need. I also have a BigEGGO that sees when I am getting stressed out and takes one or both the little men out for a walk, plays video games with them or reads out loud to them so I can have a break. I have a few new friends around, not close, but we text and share a few of the good moments and bad moments.
And I have fingers so I can type here when I get the chance. Those are great blessings around me.